Bed of Nails

We all want to be comfortable. Whether it is socially, emotionally or physically we expect to have a certain sense of support and ease in our daily lives. However, lately I have been realizing that being too comfortable can be a dangerous thing for me. At those wonderful times when everything in my life feels just right, I tend to become lazy and unmotivated. Luckily for me it has gotten better this year considering so much in my life has been changing and moving around. A fast paced life will definitely keep you on your toes. When I arrived in Buenos Aires, despite everything around me spinning in chaos, I seemed to slow down a little. I assumed I was just adapting to the Argentine lifestyle. It wasn't long until I noticed how comfortable I was becoming in a place bound to turn on me at any moment. Buenos Aires is a big city and it is no doubt dog eat dog out here. Waking up to this realization was like going from a bed of soft, fluffy pillows to a bed of nails that turned my stomach sideways. Now before you go feeling sorry for me...don't. This was a very good thing for me. It has gotten my head back in the game and ready to fight this big bad monster of a city. I am challenging myself today to take on the people, the language and the culture with full force. I faced fear when I made the decision to come to this country despite many peoples disagreements. I faced it in Cordoba when I was speaking with taxi drivers and waitresses and trying to find my way around. I definitely faced it when I made the choice to come to Buenos Aires. Now it is time to brace myself and do it all over again. To be honest, I don't know how long I will be here. I have no clue where my life will lead me in the next few months. I have become overly appreciative of Memphis, the city I left behind in the cold with its winter steadily approaching. I remember the long nights I spent with my friends walking down that famous, blues stricken road with the smell of whiskey and BBQ in the air. I remember relaxing with a paint brush, a book or just my thoughts in the fresh, clean air surrounded by the green grass and lakes of Shelby Farms. Sitting here in this drafty apartment and looking out the window I see the run down buildings and I hear the cars honking and the people shouting and I often wonder, "What was so bad about my city? Why was I so miserable there and what made me want to leave so bad that I went as far as Argentina to get away?". Well, the answers to my questions are quite simple. I was not running away from Memphis. I was running towards something greater. I was running towards an adventure and a learning opportunity. I was running towards meeting new people and trying new things. I was running towards seeing more of my family and finding my roots. No matter how uncomfortable I get here or how difficult it becomes, I know I need to hold out for as long as I can. Once I feel that I have satisfied my needs I will go home. That may be in February when my visa expires and I don't feel like renewing it, maybe it will be in May after I have spent 6 months here, or maybe I will spend the whole year abroad and go back in November like I originally planned. Either way, I have an obligation to myself and the people in my life to finish here what I came to start.