White Blank Pages

On March 13th, 2011 my life made a drastic change. This was the day that I decided I was going to move to Argentina. A month beforehand I had broken up with my boyfriend and was unsure of what I wanted to do next. Somewhere in the relationship I believe I lost a piece of myself and I knew that I had to find it again. I had been making new friends and was getting involved in numerous activities. Everything seemed to be going good...just not good enough. I wanted more. I wanted adventure, exploration and the chance to learn and grow somewhere new and different. The months ahead would lie heavy on my shoulders. I began to tell my friends and family of my plans. Many of them were not very supportive thinking this was too risky or not even believing that I would go through with such a preposterous idea. The other small percentage that supported me I was and still am extremely thankful for. My original plan was to leave in August 2011 but as the months raced on I realized I would need more time. That, and a little part of me was not ready to leave. My relationships in Memphis were growing like wildflowers. Never have I had such good friends and I knew it would be difficult to leave them.  In addition to my friends and family, my relationship with another was growing as well. There was a new man in my life and while it was initially unwanted and entirely unexpected, the connection between us continued to emerge with time. I went from disliking him to respecting him. That respect quickly grew to like and before I even realized it, I was in love. Love can be a scary thing, especially when there are big changes occurring around you. Emotionally, I was beginning to breakdown. I was confused and started questioning everything I did. When you have so much going on all at once it can be almost impossible to know if your motives are correct and your decisions are sound.  The only thing I could do was trust myself and let my heart lead the way. Before I knew it October was here and I only had a few weeks left in the states. However, even that close to my time of departure none of it felt real. Well, that is not entirely true. It felt real when I was with him. When I knew my valuable time with him would soon be no more that's when I felt my heart begin to sink and once again I would start to question myself. Finally, November was here and it was time to leave. With my bags packed heavy and my heart even heavier, I said my goodbyes and went on my way. This I can safely say was one of the most intense moments of my entire life. Ahead of me were white blank pages that I would soon be creating beautiful memories on, memories that would remain with me forever. I was eager to begin my journey. As my plane began to take off all I could think of were the people I was leaving behind. How long would it be before I saw them again? The little specks of Memphis lights quickly passed by. The plane flew clear over the city and within minutes it was gone. Just like that it vanished into the early morning sky. The sun began to sneak up over the horizon with vibrant colors. They reminded me of the painting I made before I left, the painting which he now possessed and he who I was leaving for much longer than I desired. In my heart I knew this was necessary but no one said 'necessary' would be easy. I was sure now that this was real. It settled in like a ton of bricks but the excitement and curiosity for what was to come continually lifted that weight off of me. The skyline ahead kept getting brighter and I could feel I was heading towards something amazing. There was no turning back now.